You may want to sit down for this one.
Rocco is not being baptized.
Some of you may be thinking, 'Pssh...big deal'. Others may may be gasping for air. I'm sure there is someone somewhere rolling over in their grave.
Eric and I have talked about it and we are sticking with our decision. We believe in God but we are not religious. We believe that Rocco has a Higher Power. But neither of us believe Rocco needs to be baptized to have a relationship with that Higher Power.
I was brought up Methodist. I guess. I was baptized as a baby. Of course I have no recollection of the event and can say it was a pretty meaningless act. Eric was brought up in a Catholic church. Kind of. He was Christened and made his confirmation. Neither of us identities with the religion of our childhood. Both of us found a Higher Power in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and I bet our concept of God is much different than most.
Choosing a church would be our first problem. Methodist or Catholic? And how hypocritical would it be for us to show up at a random church and ask them to perform this highly significant ceremony for a family they have never met?
To be baptized means to 'accept Christ' and to commit to living a Christian life. I think that is alot to ask of a baby. I hope to raise Rocco to be a good person. Do the right thing. Tell the truth. Help people. But I'm hesitant to label that Christian. I don't think one needs to be Christian to be a decent human being. And I want Rocco to make that decision for himself. When he is old enough to understand what that means and responsible enough to carry that out.
My friend Brenda did not have her two children baptized as babies. Yet this past year both Katrina and Matt decided that they wanted to be baptized. They started to attend church with their aunt and decided that this was something important to them. Both of them attended religious classes and have a full understanding of what they were doing. Katrina is 13 or 14 years old and when I asked her about it she said she was glad she had the opportunity to do it when she was older and it actually had meaning to her.
Some Christians believe you will go to hell if you are not baptized. I do not believe in hell. Problem solved. I don't know if Rocco will believe in Heaven and Hell. But if he does I do not believe his Higher Power would damn him to hell for not going through the motions of a baptism.
My hope is that Rocco does not believe in a punishing God. That he is not fearful of God. And I guess I have some authority over what he believes. Eric and I plan to teach Rocco about God. But just like Eric and I, Rocco has a Higher Power that is unique to him. Maybe someday he will look for that God at church. We will support that decision when the time comes. And it should be his to make.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Ssssshhhhhh.....
People told me it couldn't be done.
'Good luck' they said.
Other mothers told me I was 'crazy' and rolled their eyes.
But thanks to The Baby Whisperer, Rocco has been sleeping through the night since he was about 3 months old.
Since we had such success with her philosophy and instructions on night time sleep, we plan on following her guide for nap time and potty training as well.
The Baby Whisperer is Tracy Hogg. She is the author of three best selling books. We own Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and The Baby Whisperer Solves All of Your Problems. We first heard of Hogg from other new moms trying to figure out how to stay sane while raising an infant. I ordered both books on ebay out of curiosity and desperation for a good nights rest.
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer helped us decode Rocco's body language and different cries. We were better able to meet his needs once we were able to tell the difference between his hungry cry and gas pain wail. Hogg promotes treating your baby with respect and learning how to communicate with them. Hogg also talks about her EASY routine which stands for Eat, Activity, Sleep, and You time. Following this routine helps the baby learn how to fall asleep with out having to nurse which can be troublesome when the baby gets older. She believes that babies should sleep in their own beds and feel safe in that space.
The Baby Whisperer is the reason Rocco sleeps through the night. I kept hearing from professionals that a four month old baby is able to sleep through the night. I kept hearing from other mothers that babies can't sleep through the night. I had come to realize that babies will not sleep through the night if you don't let them. If you rescue them every time they cry you never find out whether or not they would have drifted back to sleep after a few minutes.
I joked that I had 'baby behavior modification' to do. But in reality that is exactly what The Baby Whisperer was suggesting. I figured out that Rocco was what Hogg refers to as a 'habitual waker'. A baby who wakes up when hungry will wake up at a different time every night. A baby who wakes out of habit will wake at the same time every night. Eric and I reinforced this habit. Rocco woke up at 1am and again at 3am like clockwork for weeks. We started by eliminating the 1am feed. A few weeks later we eliminated the 3am feed.
It was difficult to do but so worth it. Each elimination took three nights to change. I used Hogg's 'shush/pat' method to comfort Rocco and let him know I was there. I used a pacifier on these nights. We only use the pacifier at night or during nap time. Rocco will suck himself to sleep and then spit it out.
Rocco does have nights where he wakes up. But he is never up for more than a few minutes. It is usually gas pain or his teeth bothering him. But we no longer respond to our son immediately with a boob or bottle. We do not reinforce behavior that we do not want to continue. We listen to him and are so much more in tune with who he is and what he wants thanks to The Baby Whisperer.
If I was able to stay home with Rocco I may have taken another approach to parenting. But I only had 10 weeks at home with him. And anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy sleep. 8 hours at night and a 2-3 hour nap during the day if possible. Sleeping through the night was extremely important to me.
I'm pretty sure Eric thought I was crazy initially and he seemed somewhat irritated with the constant instructions I gave him. But he is now reaping the benefits of a baby who sleeps for an eight hour stretch.
I'm pretty sure many of our friends and family thought I was crazy as well. But I have an unusually happy kid. He wakes up in a great mood and ends his day in that same happy demeanor.
Let them say what they want.
I will not lose any sleep over it.
'Good luck' they said.
Other mothers told me I was 'crazy' and rolled their eyes.
But thanks to The Baby Whisperer, Rocco has been sleeping through the night since he was about 3 months old.
Since we had such success with her philosophy and instructions on night time sleep, we plan on following her guide for nap time and potty training as well.
The Baby Whisperer is Tracy Hogg. She is the author of three best selling books. We own Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and The Baby Whisperer Solves All of Your Problems. We first heard of Hogg from other new moms trying to figure out how to stay sane while raising an infant. I ordered both books on ebay out of curiosity and desperation for a good nights rest.
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer helped us decode Rocco's body language and different cries. We were better able to meet his needs once we were able to tell the difference between his hungry cry and gas pain wail. Hogg promotes treating your baby with respect and learning how to communicate with them. Hogg also talks about her EASY routine which stands for Eat, Activity, Sleep, and You time. Following this routine helps the baby learn how to fall asleep with out having to nurse which can be troublesome when the baby gets older. She believes that babies should sleep in their own beds and feel safe in that space.
The Baby Whisperer is the reason Rocco sleeps through the night. I kept hearing from professionals that a four month old baby is able to sleep through the night. I kept hearing from other mothers that babies can't sleep through the night. I had come to realize that babies will not sleep through the night if you don't let them. If you rescue them every time they cry you never find out whether or not they would have drifted back to sleep after a few minutes.
I joked that I had 'baby behavior modification' to do. But in reality that is exactly what The Baby Whisperer was suggesting. I figured out that Rocco was what Hogg refers to as a 'habitual waker'. A baby who wakes up when hungry will wake up at a different time every night. A baby who wakes out of habit will wake at the same time every night. Eric and I reinforced this habit. Rocco woke up at 1am and again at 3am like clockwork for weeks. We started by eliminating the 1am feed. A few weeks later we eliminated the 3am feed.
It was difficult to do but so worth it. Each elimination took three nights to change. I used Hogg's 'shush/pat' method to comfort Rocco and let him know I was there. I used a pacifier on these nights. We only use the pacifier at night or during nap time. Rocco will suck himself to sleep and then spit it out.
Rocco does have nights where he wakes up. But he is never up for more than a few minutes. It is usually gas pain or his teeth bothering him. But we no longer respond to our son immediately with a boob or bottle. We do not reinforce behavior that we do not want to continue. We listen to him and are so much more in tune with who he is and what he wants thanks to The Baby Whisperer.
If I was able to stay home with Rocco I may have taken another approach to parenting. But I only had 10 weeks at home with him. And anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy sleep. 8 hours at night and a 2-3 hour nap during the day if possible. Sleeping through the night was extremely important to me.
I'm pretty sure Eric thought I was crazy initially and he seemed somewhat irritated with the constant instructions I gave him. But he is now reaping the benefits of a baby who sleeps for an eight hour stretch.
I'm pretty sure many of our friends and family thought I was crazy as well. But I have an unusually happy kid. He wakes up in a great mood and ends his day in that same happy demeanor.
Let them say what they want.
I will not lose any sleep over it.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
So much to blog about....so little time...
Hello Rocco Lovers!
It has been a long time since I have written. We are tired. Working on establishing a routine. And when we have free time - we veg!
But just so you all don't think I have given up on this exciting forum dedicated to everyone's favorite little Fortuna I decided to write a little something.
There is so much to write about. Future blog topics include but are not limited to:
*Raising a vegetarian. (No prosciutto for this Italian baby!)
*Gun play (Unavoidable or not?)
*Baptism (or in our case - a lack there of)
I'm sure you can't WAIT to hear my opinion on all of THESE topics!
But for now I will leave you with this...
It has been a long time since I have written. We are tired. Working on establishing a routine. And when we have free time - we veg!
But just so you all don't think I have given up on this exciting forum dedicated to everyone's favorite little Fortuna I decided to write a little something.
There is so much to write about. Future blog topics include but are not limited to:
*Raising a vegetarian. (No prosciutto for this Italian baby!)
*Gun play (Unavoidable or not?)
*Baptism (or in our case - a lack there of)
I'm sure you can't WAIT to hear my opinion on all of THESE topics!
But for now I will leave you with this...
Friday, September 9, 2011
Five Months Old.
Rocco is already five months old!
He weighed in at 18.1. He has been gaining 2 lbs a month since birth.
He is 26.75 inches long. His onsies hardly snap. He is all torso!
Rocco has two teeth now. He uses them to chew on rice crackers and unfortunately has a habit of chomping down while Mama is nursing him.
I can't believe how fast he is growing. Each day he is so different and his personality shines through more.
His smile is contagious.
He is gearing up to crawl. Right now he just scooches himself in a circle.
More Rocco to come....
He weighed in at 18.1. He has been gaining 2 lbs a month since birth.
He is 26.75 inches long. His onsies hardly snap. He is all torso!
Rocco has two teeth now. He uses them to chew on rice crackers and unfortunately has a habit of chomping down while Mama is nursing him.
I can't believe how fast he is growing. Each day he is so different and his personality shines through more.
His smile is contagious.
He is gearing up to crawl. Right now he just scooches himself in a circle.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Mama Must Haves
I was told before I had Rocco that I was going to need alot of 'stuff' for the baby. Furniture, clothes, feeding tools, toys, etc. Eric and I decided to register at Target (my favorite store) and the baby registry website had a list of items to guide you through the registry process. I couldn't believe how much was on it and thought "We are never going to get all of this stuff and we are going to go broke preparing for this baby".
We got most of the essentials and were fortunate to have quite a bit of what we needed given to us. We are not too proud for hand-me-downs (two changing tables, a jogging stroller, and a crib). We also purchased several items at yard sales (exersaucer and walker). I was able to buy most of what we needed with the generous gift card my coworkers gave me as a shower gift. My parents gift to us (Rocco, really) was a mattress and travel system. So, with a house full of baby gear we were ready to bring Rocco home.
We are five months into our parenting adventure and Eric and I have come to realize that the 'baby industry' is huge. They bank on the fact that new parents want everything to be perfect. They want to convince you that you need their products to ensure the safety of your child. They want new moms and dads to feel like they have to have all of these accessories in order to be 'good' parents. We knew this going into parenthood. But as we make our way through Rocco's changing needs we see that most of what we were told we needed we actually did not. So for those of you who are about to embark on this same adventure I thought I would let you know what I found to be a 'must have' and what I can do without.
My number ONE must have is the Boppy Pillow. I use it for nursing. I also used it for plopping Rocco down before he was able to roll over. It is a perfect place to stick your newborn while you run to the bathroom. I also put Rocco in it on the bathmat while I took a shower. We still use it every day. A regular pillow does not work as well for propping the baby on the boob. And extra covers are highly recommended.
The second thing I can not live without is the play mat from Auntie Morgan. I LOVE Infantino products. They are super cute, colorful, and gender neutral. Rocco has loved this thing from the very beginning. And really, it is another great place to plop the baby in an emergency like when you need to refill your coffee cup. It is lightweight and easy to transport. It is also great for tummy time. Not only does Rocco enjoy playing with the dangling animals. He is mesmerized by the colorful patterns on the mat when he finds himself face down.
If your baby is gassy you need Mylicon or a generic version of this medication. Target, Walmart, and Rite Aid all make versions of this same remedy at a fraction of the cost. We give it to Rocco if he is super fussy after eating. Usually within 30 minutes he is much calmer and is producing adult sounding farts. It is kind of amusing to us but such a relief to him.
Since Rocco has started teething we are promoters of Hyland's Teething Tablets. Rocco was so good while cutting his first tooth we didn't even notice it coming in. However, this second tooth is giving him a hard time. His gums are red and puffy. The poor boy constantly has his fingers in his mouth and he is super irritable. These pills dissolve quickly and seem to give him relief immediately. And I feel better about giving these to him than baby Tylenol.
I encourage every expecting or new mother to stock up on receiving blankets and skip the traditional burp cloth. Dwell Studio has a line at Target stores with adorable prints. The patterns are modern and funky and the blankets are larger than traditional receiving blankets which make it much easier to swaddle baby as he/she starts to grow and wiggle. We go through several of them a day. We keep them everywhere. Sometimes I will do an entire laundry load of just receiving blankets. Burp cloths are stupid. Skip them. They don't hold as much spit up as your baby will produce.
What you don't need? Well...quite a bit. You find that you make due with what you have. We did not buy a baby wipe warmer or a bath water thermometer. Rocco is surviving just fine.
What is comes down to is the baby industry preying on a new parents fear and anxiety. They know we want to raise happy, healthy babies and lead us to believe that we will not if we do not buy! buy! buy! Think about how your parents raised you. And how their parents raised them. Diapers with sharp safety pins! Carriages without neck support or safety straps! Stuffed animals with bite sized plastic eyes! We all survived.
We got most of the essentials and were fortunate to have quite a bit of what we needed given to us. We are not too proud for hand-me-downs (two changing tables, a jogging stroller, and a crib). We also purchased several items at yard sales (exersaucer and walker). I was able to buy most of what we needed with the generous gift card my coworkers gave me as a shower gift. My parents gift to us (Rocco, really) was a mattress and travel system. So, with a house full of baby gear we were ready to bring Rocco home.
 |
| The play room. No longer this neat and organized. |
My number ONE must have is the Boppy Pillow. I use it for nursing. I also used it for plopping Rocco down before he was able to roll over. It is a perfect place to stick your newborn while you run to the bathroom. I also put Rocco in it on the bathmat while I took a shower. We still use it every day. A regular pillow does not work as well for propping the baby on the boob. And extra covers are highly recommended.
 |
| Tummy time on the Boppy. Colorful slip cover. |
 |
| Perfect for babies AND dogs |
 |
| A very young Rocco on his play yard. |
 |
| Rocco starts to notice the toys. |
If your baby is gassy you need Mylicon or a generic version of this medication. Target, Walmart, and Rite Aid all make versions of this same remedy at a fraction of the cost. We give it to Rocco if he is super fussy after eating. Usually within 30 minutes he is much calmer and is producing adult sounding farts. It is kind of amusing to us but such a relief to him.
 |
| A gassy baby is an unhappy baby. |
I encourage every expecting or new mother to stock up on receiving blankets and skip the traditional burp cloth. Dwell Studio has a line at Target stores with adorable prints. The patterns are modern and funky and the blankets are larger than traditional receiving blankets which make it much easier to swaddle baby as he/she starts to grow and wiggle. We go through several of them a day. We keep them everywhere. Sometimes I will do an entire laundry load of just receiving blankets. Burp cloths are stupid. Skip them. They don't hold as much spit up as your baby will produce.
 |
| Rocco being burped with my favorite Dwell receiving blanket. |
 |
| Good for burping and napping. Onsie by Dwell Studio for Target. |
We spent about $15 on a bottle drying rack. They come in all different shapes and sizes. There are quite a few to choose from so it seems like it must be something useful to have. Yeah....no. It does nothing that my normal dish rack does not already do. And it takes up too much counter space. Something I can't spare. We use it because it is there. But I wish we had spent the $15 on diapers instead.
In my opinion the bouncy seat and swing do the same thing. Keep the baby occupied for a few minutes while you try and wash dishes. Therefore, I do not think you need them both. I'm lucky both of mine were given to me so we do not have any money invested in them. But I am sure alot of you do. Rocco preferred the bouncy seat. We still use the swing because it is there. We keep it in the kitchen. The bouncy seat goes all over the house with us because it is small and so lightweight. Save your money and buy one. You will also be saving space!
 |
| Rocco naps in his bouncy seat while his big cousin stands guard |
What is comes down to is the baby industry preying on a new parents fear and anxiety. They know we want to raise happy, healthy babies and lead us to believe that we will not if we do not buy! buy! buy! Think about how your parents raised you. And how their parents raised them. Diapers with sharp safety pins! Carriages without neck support or safety straps! Stuffed animals with bite sized plastic eyes! We all survived.
And if you need a reminder of just how resilient babies are and how successful parents can be without all of the trinkets and gadgets rent the documentary Babies. Those Mongolian babies do just fine without a Babies R Us.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Rocco's Dinner Party
Rocco was born hungry.
Eric and I named him 'Hungry, Hungry Rocco' after the game 'Hungry, Hungry Hippo's'.
That poor baby was big and mama's boobies were not. His first taste of formula was in the hospital. It was given to him by one of the nurses while I slept. Eric gave them permission out of desperation. Rocco sucked that stuff down and slept.
Upon returning home the feeding issues continued. He was cranky. I was frustrated. Daddy was exhausted. After a week or two we figured out a system that worked for all of us. I nursed Rocco and we supplemented with formula.
I was told by several of my mommy friends that they gave their kids cereal in order to get them to sleep through the night. Every parenting book and internet site said otherwise. There is no proof that giving babies cereal would help them sleep. However, in a desperate attempt to get a full nights rest I caved and gave it a try. We discovered that it is indeed an old wives tale. Rocco still got up the same number of times only he seemed to be more gassy because his little digestive system didn't know what to do with that cereal.
At Rocco's four month well visit the pediatrician suggested we start trying solids. She said cereal and vegetables are her preferred first foods.
We tried cereal again. We had attempted to give Rocco cereal with a spoon before and he didn't know what to do with it. But lately he has been watching us put food in our mouths and will eye us while we chew. He ended up with more of it on his body than in his belly. After a few days he caught on and started to swallow. But we still think he ended up wearing more than he was eating.
Babies R Us was having a sale on organic baby food a few weeks ago. I headed there to stock up on some jars for travel because Eric and I plan on making Rocco's food from fresh vegetables. We did not really plan on feeding it to him right away but he was gobbling up that cereal so fast we thought we would give it a try.
He loves them. He reaches for the bowl. He grabs my hand holding the spoon and pulls it to his lips. He munches away on as much as we will allow.
While I am not happy that my little baby is getting bigger, this phase of his development is fun. I can't wait to see his reaction to peas. I'm looking forward to giving him his first fruit. But all of that means he will one day eat ONLY solid food and no longer nurse. And I don't want that to end. I have really grown to love it and the time he and I spend together.
But for now we will continue with what we are doing.
The Menu-
Breast milk
Formula
Rice cereal
Oatmeal cereal
Sweet potatoes
Squash
Welcome to Rocco's Dinner Party.
Eric and I named him 'Hungry, Hungry Rocco' after the game 'Hungry, Hungry Hippo's'.
That poor baby was big and mama's boobies were not. His first taste of formula was in the hospital. It was given to him by one of the nurses while I slept. Eric gave them permission out of desperation. Rocco sucked that stuff down and slept.
 |
| Rocco latched on right away. |
 |
| Two weeks old sucking down formula. |
I was told by several of my mommy friends that they gave their kids cereal in order to get them to sleep through the night. Every parenting book and internet site said otherwise. There is no proof that giving babies cereal would help them sleep. However, in a desperate attempt to get a full nights rest I caved and gave it a try. We discovered that it is indeed an old wives tale. Rocco still got up the same number of times only he seemed to be more gassy because his little digestive system didn't know what to do with that cereal.
 |
| I spent alot of time with babe on boob/dog on lap |
At Rocco's four month well visit the pediatrician suggested we start trying solids. She said cereal and vegetables are her preferred first foods.
We tried cereal again. We had attempted to give Rocco cereal with a spoon before and he didn't know what to do with it. But lately he has been watching us put food in our mouths and will eye us while we chew. He ended up with more of it on his body than in his belly. After a few days he caught on and started to swallow. But we still think he ended up wearing more than he was eating.
 |
| Enjoying his cereal. |
Babies R Us was having a sale on organic baby food a few weeks ago. I headed there to stock up on some jars for travel because Eric and I plan on making Rocco's food from fresh vegetables. We did not really plan on feeding it to him right away but he was gobbling up that cereal so fast we thought we would give it a try.
He loves them. He reaches for the bowl. He grabs my hand holding the spoon and pulls it to his lips. He munches away on as much as we will allow.
 |
| Sweet potato madness |
But for now we will continue with what we are doing.
The Menu-
Breast milk
Formula
Rice cereal
Oatmeal cereal
Sweet potatoes
Squash
Welcome to Rocco's Dinner Party.
Friday, August 5, 2011
It's the loneliest number that you'll ever do...
Whenever someone asks the question, "Is he your first?" I reply quite quickly, "Yes. And my last."
Everyone (I should say everyone with children) says I will change my mind. "Just wait", they say.
I doubt that.
Eric and I are quite confident we are not interested in another child. That may sound cold. It seems cold as I type it. How could we not be 'interested' in another child?
It's simple.
Children are expensive.
Children are exhausting.
Eric and I are getting older, not younger. Which means we are slower and ache in more places.
I did not enjoy being pregnant.
Eric did not enjoy my being pregnant.
Childbirth is not on my list of things to do again.
The first month with Rocco was a questionable time period as well.
Eric and I are tired. We barely have time for ourselves let alone each other.
We are financially spread pretty thin.
I could give a few more reasons but I think you get the idea...
I would do it all over again for Rocco. Without a doubt. He is the most amazing thing in the world. He makes my soul sing and my heart feel like it is going to explode it is so full. But I'm not interested in going through it all again.
I keep getting told that Rocco is going to be lonely without siblings. 'Only children' are bossy. They don't know how to share. They need to be the center of attention. They have a hard time socializing. Etc.
I have found plenty of information that contradicts those theories.
My niece is an only child. She has none of the above stated characteristics. She is very active in the community. She has tons of friends, is able to share, and she is giving. My sister and brother in law raised her to do those things. She has better social skills than most of her friends with siblings.
Growing up one of my closest friends was an only child. She had nice things but I would not say she was spoiled. Her parents were simply able to supply her with a higher standard of living because they only had one child to provide for. She had a nice stereo and her parents bought her a car the year we all turned 16. But it was a used car. And she never made us feel less than.
Eric is an only child. I'm not sure he is the best example of someone who grew up well adjusted. He had his own set of circumstances to deal with. But being an only child didn't prevent him from being able to make friends or engage in meaningful relationships as an adult. He was also blessed with a ton of cousins - the next best thing to brothers and sisters.
I want to be able to provide for my son and I want him to live comfortably. I'm not talking about buying him everything he asks for. My hope is that his priorities with not involve hand held electronics and name brand clothes. I want to be able to send him to camp, pay for his braces, and not go broke doing so. Having another child would make that a bit more challenging. And I'm not a fan of financial insecurity.
Another factor in our decision is our age. I heard on the radio a few years ago that women can not sell their eggs after the age of 27 because that is the age that their eggs 'go bad'. 27 was a long time ago for me. Plus I drank for 15 years and smoked for almost 20. Since I was 35 when I had Rocco I was sent to a prenatal specialist and was considered 'high risk'. While Eric and I had faith that Rocco would be healthy I couldn't help but get a little nervous before every appointment at which time the doctor looked for 'abnormalities' and 'deformities'. We have been blessed with one healthy baby. We are not willing to take any chances with the health and well being of another nor are we prepared to lose a child.
Most of you know that my husband is a physical hot mess. Degenerative disc disease. Brian injury. Replacement hips. Screws in his ankle. Bolts in his forehead. Most everyday physical activity causes him pain and puts further strain on his body. Rocco is only getting heavier. That kid needs to start walking before his Daddy ends up in a wheelchair.
Eric and I have confidence that we will raise a happy boy who is kind and respectful to others. We will put extra effort into his social life if need be. We are doing what is right for this family. We appreciate your advice and respect your opinions. But we are done.
Everyone (I should say everyone with children) says I will change my mind. "Just wait", they say.
I doubt that.
Eric and I are quite confident we are not interested in another child. That may sound cold. It seems cold as I type it. How could we not be 'interested' in another child?
It's simple.
Children are expensive.
Children are exhausting.
Eric and I are getting older, not younger. Which means we are slower and ache in more places.
I did not enjoy being pregnant.
Eric did not enjoy my being pregnant.
Childbirth is not on my list of things to do again.
The first month with Rocco was a questionable time period as well.
Eric and I are tired. We barely have time for ourselves let alone each other.
We are financially spread pretty thin.
I could give a few more reasons but I think you get the idea...
I would do it all over again for Rocco. Without a doubt. He is the most amazing thing in the world. He makes my soul sing and my heart feel like it is going to explode it is so full. But I'm not interested in going through it all again.
I keep getting told that Rocco is going to be lonely without siblings. 'Only children' are bossy. They don't know how to share. They need to be the center of attention. They have a hard time socializing. Etc.
I have found plenty of information that contradicts those theories.
My niece is an only child. She has none of the above stated characteristics. She is very active in the community. She has tons of friends, is able to share, and she is giving. My sister and brother in law raised her to do those things. She has better social skills than most of her friends with siblings.
Growing up one of my closest friends was an only child. She had nice things but I would not say she was spoiled. Her parents were simply able to supply her with a higher standard of living because they only had one child to provide for. She had a nice stereo and her parents bought her a car the year we all turned 16. But it was a used car. And she never made us feel less than.
Eric is an only child. I'm not sure he is the best example of someone who grew up well adjusted. He had his own set of circumstances to deal with. But being an only child didn't prevent him from being able to make friends or engage in meaningful relationships as an adult. He was also blessed with a ton of cousins - the next best thing to brothers and sisters.
I want to be able to provide for my son and I want him to live comfortably. I'm not talking about buying him everything he asks for. My hope is that his priorities with not involve hand held electronics and name brand clothes. I want to be able to send him to camp, pay for his braces, and not go broke doing so. Having another child would make that a bit more challenging. And I'm not a fan of financial insecurity.
Another factor in our decision is our age. I heard on the radio a few years ago that women can not sell their eggs after the age of 27 because that is the age that their eggs 'go bad'. 27 was a long time ago for me. Plus I drank for 15 years and smoked for almost 20. Since I was 35 when I had Rocco I was sent to a prenatal specialist and was considered 'high risk'. While Eric and I had faith that Rocco would be healthy I couldn't help but get a little nervous before every appointment at which time the doctor looked for 'abnormalities' and 'deformities'. We have been blessed with one healthy baby. We are not willing to take any chances with the health and well being of another nor are we prepared to lose a child.
Eric and I have confidence that we will raise a happy boy who is kind and respectful to others. We will put extra effort into his social life if need be. We are doing what is right for this family. We appreciate your advice and respect your opinions. But we are done.
Monday, August 1, 2011
4 months
My baby is getting so big! (said sadly with a pout)
Today was his four month well visit.
He is 16lbs even. Mommy and Daddy guessed right.
He is 26 inches long.
Two more shots and an oral vaccine.
He is exhausted. After the appointment we did some shopping at Adam's and then he played at Grandma's house while I went to the gym.
He is asleep in his carseat.
I can't wait to get him naked and lounge on the couch before bed.
Rocco, Mama loves you more and more as there is more of you to love.
XOXOXO Punky.
Today was his four month well visit.
He is 16lbs even. Mommy and Daddy guessed right.
He is 26 inches long.
Two more shots and an oral vaccine.
He is exhausted. After the appointment we did some shopping at Adam's and then he played at Grandma's house while I went to the gym.
He is asleep in his carseat.
I can't wait to get him naked and lounge on the couch before bed.
Rocco, Mama loves you more and more as there is more of you to love.
XOXOXO Punky.
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| Rocco rocks out at the Rosendale Street Festival |
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| Super silly at Grandma's |
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| Not so sure about this thing yet. |
Friday, July 22, 2011
"Mommy Thumb" - I have it and it hurts
So I have been walking around for the last three or four days with my hand wrapped in an Ace bandage.
Everyone asks what I did to my wrist.
I shrug, hold my arm up, and reply, "I have Mommy Thumb".
This answer has gotten a few raised eyebrows but mostly people laugh at me and ask what Mommy Thumb is.
I know. It sounds ridiculous and made up.
But it is a real thing. And I have it. And it hurts.
I started noticing problems with my arms, hands, and wrists about a month after Rocco was born. My arms from the elbows down started falling asleep at night. I thought it was because I would rest my head on one arm and cover my head with the other. So I stopped doing that.
I also noticed that I was spending WAY more time on the computer being home with Rocco. Most of the time he would be sleeping across my chest or nursing while I balanced my laptop awkwardly on my knees with my arm bent like a praying mantis.
Another thing I thought was contributing to my arm and hand numbing was carrying the car seat in the crook of my elbow.
At the same time the tendinitis in my left shoulder started to act up again. My assumption was that all of the new lifting I was doing was aggravating some unfortunate muscle/tendon issues that were preexisting.
My sister found an article in a parenting magazine about 'Mommy Thumb'. Several Google searches produced links to articles about cases of carpel tunnel syndrome in new moms. So, I stopped doing these things and started to feel better.
Until last week when my left wrist and thumb started to throb. It started to hurt when I would lift Rocco. Something I do a billion times a day. This week I had almost 5 days in a row with Rocco. And as each day passed the pain got worse. It has gotten to the point where my thumb makes a clicking sound when it moves and it is extremely painful. It is almost as if something is horribly out of place.
I'm going to the orthopedist on Tuesday which seems like forever away. In the meantime Motrin seems to help with the pain and inflammation. Wrapping it isn't the most helpful thing but reminds me not to use it. And some people I know who are tight with God have been praying for me. Hey - it doesn't hurt.
A friend of mine had it with her two children. She has surgery twice and it did not help.
Another friend had it and it got worse with each child. Her youngest is in Junior High and she says it still creeps up on her from time to time.
The cases of 'Mommy Thumb' are increasing as mothers get older.
Is this what getting old is like?
I'm just hoping that I don't drop my kid between now and my appointment on Tuesday. And I'm forced to ask for help. Which sucks. Because when I am away from him all day I don't want help. I want to take care of him on my own.
I will keep you updated. But prayers and vibes for a surgery free solution are greatly appreciated.
Everyone asks what I did to my wrist.
I shrug, hold my arm up, and reply, "I have Mommy Thumb".
This answer has gotten a few raised eyebrows but mostly people laugh at me and ask what Mommy Thumb is.
I know. It sounds ridiculous and made up.
But it is a real thing. And I have it. And it hurts.
I started noticing problems with my arms, hands, and wrists about a month after Rocco was born. My arms from the elbows down started falling asleep at night. I thought it was because I would rest my head on one arm and cover my head with the other. So I stopped doing that.
I also noticed that I was spending WAY more time on the computer being home with Rocco. Most of the time he would be sleeping across my chest or nursing while I balanced my laptop awkwardly on my knees with my arm bent like a praying mantis.
Another thing I thought was contributing to my arm and hand numbing was carrying the car seat in the crook of my elbow.
At the same time the tendinitis in my left shoulder started to act up again. My assumption was that all of the new lifting I was doing was aggravating some unfortunate muscle/tendon issues that were preexisting.
My sister found an article in a parenting magazine about 'Mommy Thumb'. Several Google searches produced links to articles about cases of carpel tunnel syndrome in new moms. So, I stopped doing these things and started to feel better.
Until last week when my left wrist and thumb started to throb. It started to hurt when I would lift Rocco. Something I do a billion times a day. This week I had almost 5 days in a row with Rocco. And as each day passed the pain got worse. It has gotten to the point where my thumb makes a clicking sound when it moves and it is extremely painful. It is almost as if something is horribly out of place.
I'm going to the orthopedist on Tuesday which seems like forever away. In the meantime Motrin seems to help with the pain and inflammation. Wrapping it isn't the most helpful thing but reminds me not to use it. And some people I know who are tight with God have been praying for me. Hey - it doesn't hurt.
A friend of mine had it with her two children. She has surgery twice and it did not help.
Another friend had it and it got worse with each child. Her youngest is in Junior High and she says it still creeps up on her from time to time.
The cases of 'Mommy Thumb' are increasing as mothers get older.
Is this what getting old is like?
I'm just hoping that I don't drop my kid between now and my appointment on Tuesday. And I'm forced to ask for help. Which sucks. Because when I am away from him all day I don't want help. I want to take care of him on my own.
I will keep you updated. But prayers and vibes for a surgery free solution are greatly appreciated.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
CHEEEEEEESE!
Since Rocco was born we have been getting coupons in the mail for the portrait studio at Sears.
A friend of mine bought me a photo frame intended for baby pictures of all three of us. Since the photos I chose for the frame of Eric and me were done professionally I thought it made sense that the photo of Rocco also be a professional shot.
So yesterday we made an appointment via the internet and headed to the mall.
Our appointment was for 3pm. As we strolled through Old Navy Rocco smiled and giggled. We put hats on him and took pictures with Eric's phone. We thought we should head to the portrait studio while he was in such good spirits.
When we got there the lights were off and the woman working in the next department said the photographer would return at 3. While we waited Rocco sang and jabbered away like neither of us had ever heard. He had perma-grin. We joked that he knew we were getting his photo done and that is why he was being so jovial.
At 3 o'clock the photographer came rushing into the studio. This woman had the energy of the Tazmanian devil. She moved from computer to computer with lightening speed. I think she may have been clocking in and checking her schedule for the afternoon. I'm not sure.
We changed Rocco out of his spit up soaked onsie and put him in the outfit we picked for the photo. The photographer invited us into the room where the photos were taken. And that is when the fun began....
I'm not sure what Eric and I thought was going to take place in there. I think I just assumed we would plop him on the floor and lean him up against a prop and she would take a photo or two.
Noooooo.......
We plopped him on the floor alright. And then this woman started making all of this noise. Clearly she was trying to get him to smile. But it was extremely overwhelming. She called his name, clapped, whistled, clicked her tongue, made tooting noises, kissing noises, giggled, you name it.
Eric and I looked at each other in horror. And all of Rocco's cooing came to a screeching halt.
He sat wide eyed and mouth open. He stared at this stranger.
Eric and I tried every trick in OUR book. Singing Elmo's song. Fake laughing. Calling him a stinky butt boy. Playing John Lennon on Eric's phone. All of the things that usually get a grin. Nothing worked. Our attempts could not be heard over the incredible noise this woman was making.
At one point my husband who has NO filter (which some one you know) told her she was scaring him. In an attempt to smooth that over I told her that I'm sure older children respond to that. She could have made a living doing voices for cartoons. Her energy was amazing. But to two adults with a relatively quiet life she was totally overwhelming. And Rocco is was too young to think a stranger making noises is funny.
We were in this room for an HOUR! I had no idea she would take that kind of time. I seriously thought we would be in and out of there. But we used several different backgrounds. He was on his back, his belly, his side (which caused a meltdown), his butt. I thought when he started crying we could call it quits and get the hell out of there. But the photographer had us calm him down and put him back in front of the camera.
Our coupon was for 46 photos of 1 pose for $9.99. I knew she was going to try and sell us other packages but I thought maybe the other packages would be nice and we would consider purchasing an additional photo or two.
The photographer spent about 10 minutes cropping and enhancing our photos. Adding borders, changing them to sepia, and creating collages. Another mother and her 6 month old sat waiting. She told me she had been there a few days ago and they were back for more.
The photographer sat me down and showed me what she had done. The photos were great. She had enhanced them and made some really cute collages. Then she pulled out her price book. She explained what each package included and gave us the rundown on the 'specials' and 'discounts' that we were eligible for. These packages were over three hundred dollars. She did a lovely job and Rocco looked cute in them all but come on... He is 3 months old. And Eric and I are not the type to have 8x10 photos hanging all over our house. All we wanted to do was get a picture to put in the frame my friend gave us.
Telling her no to each package she reviewed felt horrible. It makes you feel like a bad parent to say 'no' to photos of your kid. As though his image isn't worth $250. To us it was worth $9.99. Someone call CPS!
Not to mention the fact that we were only able to choose one photo to use this coupon. And all of them were cute. How do you choose one photo of the cutest baby in the world?
In the end we used the coupon. We picked our favorite picture. And for $20 per sheet we picked two other images we liked. When all was said and done (a one year discount card and a donation to support our troops included) a $9.99 photo shoot turned into $60.57.
We left with a headache and a crying baby. And we probably will go back. We bought the stupid membership card.
A friend of mine bought me a photo frame intended for baby pictures of all three of us. Since the photos I chose for the frame of Eric and me were done professionally I thought it made sense that the photo of Rocco also be a professional shot.
So yesterday we made an appointment via the internet and headed to the mall.
Our appointment was for 3pm. As we strolled through Old Navy Rocco smiled and giggled. We put hats on him and took pictures with Eric's phone. We thought we should head to the portrait studio while he was in such good spirits.
When we got there the lights were off and the woman working in the next department said the photographer would return at 3. While we waited Rocco sang and jabbered away like neither of us had ever heard. He had perma-grin. We joked that he knew we were getting his photo done and that is why he was being so jovial.
At 3 o'clock the photographer came rushing into the studio. This woman had the energy of the Tazmanian devil. She moved from computer to computer with lightening speed. I think she may have been clocking in and checking her schedule for the afternoon. I'm not sure.
We changed Rocco out of his spit up soaked onsie and put him in the outfit we picked for the photo. The photographer invited us into the room where the photos were taken. And that is when the fun began....
I'm not sure what Eric and I thought was going to take place in there. I think I just assumed we would plop him on the floor and lean him up against a prop and she would take a photo or two.
Noooooo.......
We plopped him on the floor alright. And then this woman started making all of this noise. Clearly she was trying to get him to smile. But it was extremely overwhelming. She called his name, clapped, whistled, clicked her tongue, made tooting noises, kissing noises, giggled, you name it.
Eric and I looked at each other in horror. And all of Rocco's cooing came to a screeching halt.
Eric and I tried every trick in OUR book. Singing Elmo's song. Fake laughing. Calling him a stinky butt boy. Playing John Lennon on Eric's phone. All of the things that usually get a grin. Nothing worked. Our attempts could not be heard over the incredible noise this woman was making.
At one point my husband who has NO filter (which some one you know) told her she was scaring him. In an attempt to smooth that over I told her that I'm sure older children respond to that. She could have made a living doing voices for cartoons. Her energy was amazing. But to two adults with a relatively quiet life she was totally overwhelming. And Rocco is was too young to think a stranger making noises is funny.
Our coupon was for 46 photos of 1 pose for $9.99. I knew she was going to try and sell us other packages but I thought maybe the other packages would be nice and we would consider purchasing an additional photo or two.
The photographer spent about 10 minutes cropping and enhancing our photos. Adding borders, changing them to sepia, and creating collages. Another mother and her 6 month old sat waiting. She told me she had been there a few days ago and they were back for more.
The photographer sat me down and showed me what she had done. The photos were great. She had enhanced them and made some really cute collages. Then she pulled out her price book. She explained what each package included and gave us the rundown on the 'specials' and 'discounts' that we were eligible for. These packages were over three hundred dollars. She did a lovely job and Rocco looked cute in them all but come on... He is 3 months old. And Eric and I are not the type to have 8x10 photos hanging all over our house. All we wanted to do was get a picture to put in the frame my friend gave us.
Telling her no to each package she reviewed felt horrible. It makes you feel like a bad parent to say 'no' to photos of your kid. As though his image isn't worth $250. To us it was worth $9.99. Someone call CPS!
Not to mention the fact that we were only able to choose one photo to use this coupon. And all of them were cute. How do you choose one photo of the cutest baby in the world?
In the end we used the coupon. We picked our favorite picture. And for $20 per sheet we picked two other images we liked. When all was said and done (a one year discount card and a donation to support our troops included) a $9.99 photo shoot turned into $60.57.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
3 Months Old!!!
Today Rocco went to the pediatrician for his 3 month check up.
He weighs 14 pounds and 4 ounces.
He measures 25.25 inches long.
He got two vaccines. He handled them like a trooper.
He seems to be feeling well.
Rocco is very good natured. He smiles. He loves music.
We are still working on getting him to sleep for longer stretches at a time.
But even at 3am he brings us so much joy.
He weighs 14 pounds and 4 ounces.
He measures 25.25 inches long.
He got two vaccines. He handled them like a trooper.
He seems to be feeling well.
Rocco is very good natured. He smiles. He loves music.
We are still working on getting him to sleep for longer stretches at a time.
But even at 3am he brings us so much joy.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
The Perfect Day
Woke up about 7 to the sound of Rocco fussing.
Nursed the baby.
Snuggled with the dog.
Took a 2 mile walk to my parents house.
Surprised them with a visit.
Walked 2 miles home.
Went for pancakes.
Took a 2 hour nap with Eric, Rocco, and Tilly.
Took a shower.
Dressed the baby.
Washed the bedding.
Had an iced coffee and a Moon Pie.
Went grocery shopping.
Sang to Rocco while in the store.
Bought him a stuffed dog.
Put groceries away.
Walked into town.
Named Rocco's new stuffed dog. Frankie.
Had dinner with my parents.
Took a walk.
Put the clean bedding on the bed.
Gave Rocco a bath.
Gave him a massage and put on his PJs.
Put on one of Eric's extra large Tshirts.
Now I'm nursing the baby.
Watching some mindless TV with Eric.
I'm looking forward to some low fat vanilla ice cream and Hershey's syrup.
And snuggling into a bed with clean sheets.
Nursed the baby.
Snuggled with the dog.
Took a 2 mile walk to my parents house.
Surprised them with a visit.
Walked 2 miles home.
Went for pancakes.
Took a 2 hour nap with Eric, Rocco, and Tilly.
Took a shower.
Dressed the baby.
Washed the bedding.
Had an iced coffee and a Moon Pie.
Went grocery shopping.
Sang to Rocco while in the store.
Bought him a stuffed dog.
Put groceries away.
Walked into town.
Named Rocco's new stuffed dog. Frankie.
Had dinner with my parents.
Took a walk.
Put the clean bedding on the bed.
Gave Rocco a bath.
Gave him a massage and put on his PJs.
Put on one of Eric's extra large Tshirts.
Now I'm nursing the baby.
Watching some mindless TV with Eric.
I'm looking forward to some low fat vanilla ice cream and Hershey's syrup.
And snuggling into a bed with clean sheets.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Got a light?
One day when I feel he is old enough to know I was a smoker, I will thank Rocco for helping me quit.
I have tried to quit smoking dozens of times. Cold turkey, the patch, the gum, Chantix, hypnosis! You name it, I tried it. I would typically last a day or two. The longest I went without a cigarette was in 2007. I did not smoke for about 90 days. I quit that year on my birthday right before Eric (a non smoker) and I started dating. I had a lovely smoke free summer. But that fall when my last year of graduate school started I freaked out. I realized I did not know how to sit in front of the computer for hours with out chain smoking and drinking coffee. I slowly started up again.
I smoked for 19 years. Yes, you read correctly. 19 years. Smoking made me happy. Smoking relaxed me. Comforted me. Woke me up. Calmed me down. Eventually I was smoking against my will. I was smoking because I had to.
When I found out I was pregnant I immediately wanted to smoke. I remember putting the third pregnancy test down on the bathroom counter and saying to Eric "Shit! I really want to smoke!" And I did.
That was a Friday. I had about 10 cigarettes left in my pack. I don't even remember what I was smoking at the time. Cigarettes were getting expensive and I was experimenting with cheaper brands than Parliament Lights. I think I was smoking Pall Malls.
I knew I was going to quit. There was no way I was going to smoke through my pregnancy. But I did not think I was going to be able to do it. I remember thinking that I wasn't strong enough to stop.
I took my time smoking those cigarettes that weekend. I would smoke half, clip it, smoke the rest later. I spaced them out. Mindful with each drag that I was no longer destroying my own health but that the health of my unborn child was at risk. I even tried rationalizing my behavior. I encounter women all of the time who drink and use drugs through their pregnancies. Some nicotine was nothing compared to alcohol and crack. I see plenty of healthy babies born to women who drink and do drugs while pregnant. Smoking wasn't a big deal.
That Monday before I went to bed I told Eric I was smoking my last cigarette as I headed outside. He rolled his eyes and said, "Okay". He has heard that before. I smoked that cigarette ridden with guilt. Feeling selfish but trying to enjoy every pull because this really was going to be my last cigarette.
Before I got into bed I got on my knees. I talk to God regularly but usually in the car or after I have already snuggled under the covers. I never pray on my knees. But that night I really needed help. I asked God to remove my obsession to smoke cigarettes.
And it worked.
God lifted my obsession. Or it could have been that I was vomiting so much that the thought of a cigarette was the furthest thing from my mind. Who knows? Who cares?
I have smoked since. I have smoked three cigarettes since last July. And they were disgusting. It will never be the same again. They will never taste as delicious or make me feel 'good'. They smell bad. They feel awkward in my hand. I can't inhale. My lungs hurt when I try. I have romanticized it.
My own well being was not enough for me to stop smoking. Watching my Grandmother die from years of smoking didn't scare me. Watching my Uncle Frank tote an oxygen tank around with him for years did not convince me. It was Rocco. Before we even knew he was going to be a Rocco.
So, one day when I think it is appropriate to crush my son who I am sure is going to worship me and think I can do no wrong I will let him know of my sordid past. And thank him for saving my life.
I have tried to quit smoking dozens of times. Cold turkey, the patch, the gum, Chantix, hypnosis! You name it, I tried it. I would typically last a day or two. The longest I went without a cigarette was in 2007. I did not smoke for about 90 days. I quit that year on my birthday right before Eric (a non smoker) and I started dating. I had a lovely smoke free summer. But that fall when my last year of graduate school started I freaked out. I realized I did not know how to sit in front of the computer for hours with out chain smoking and drinking coffee. I slowly started up again.
I smoked for 19 years. Yes, you read correctly. 19 years. Smoking made me happy. Smoking relaxed me. Comforted me. Woke me up. Calmed me down. Eventually I was smoking against my will. I was smoking because I had to.
When I found out I was pregnant I immediately wanted to smoke. I remember putting the third pregnancy test down on the bathroom counter and saying to Eric "Shit! I really want to smoke!" And I did.
That was a Friday. I had about 10 cigarettes left in my pack. I don't even remember what I was smoking at the time. Cigarettes were getting expensive and I was experimenting with cheaper brands than Parliament Lights. I think I was smoking Pall Malls.
I knew I was going to quit. There was no way I was going to smoke through my pregnancy. But I did not think I was going to be able to do it. I remember thinking that I wasn't strong enough to stop.
I took my time smoking those cigarettes that weekend. I would smoke half, clip it, smoke the rest later. I spaced them out. Mindful with each drag that I was no longer destroying my own health but that the health of my unborn child was at risk. I even tried rationalizing my behavior. I encounter women all of the time who drink and use drugs through their pregnancies. Some nicotine was nothing compared to alcohol and crack. I see plenty of healthy babies born to women who drink and do drugs while pregnant. Smoking wasn't a big deal.
That Monday before I went to bed I told Eric I was smoking my last cigarette as I headed outside. He rolled his eyes and said, "Okay". He has heard that before. I smoked that cigarette ridden with guilt. Feeling selfish but trying to enjoy every pull because this really was going to be my last cigarette.
Before I got into bed I got on my knees. I talk to God regularly but usually in the car or after I have already snuggled under the covers. I never pray on my knees. But that night I really needed help. I asked God to remove my obsession to smoke cigarettes.
And it worked.
God lifted my obsession. Or it could have been that I was vomiting so much that the thought of a cigarette was the furthest thing from my mind. Who knows? Who cares?
I have smoked since. I have smoked three cigarettes since last July. And they were disgusting. It will never be the same again. They will never taste as delicious or make me feel 'good'. They smell bad. They feel awkward in my hand. I can't inhale. My lungs hurt when I try. I have romanticized it.
My own well being was not enough for me to stop smoking. Watching my Grandmother die from years of smoking didn't scare me. Watching my Uncle Frank tote an oxygen tank around with him for years did not convince me. It was Rocco. Before we even knew he was going to be a Rocco.
So, one day when I think it is appropriate to crush my son who I am sure is going to worship me and think I can do no wrong I will let him know of my sordid past. And thank him for saving my life.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Pappy's Day!
I want to take a moment to acknowledge some of the fantastic men in my life. I feel truly blessed to have such wonderful people for Rocco to grow up with and look up to.
Happy Father's Day to my Dad. Thank you for your patience and tolerance. I know it wasn't easy watching me tear through life like an unruly tornado. But I hope today you are proud of who I have become and know that you had a tremendous influence on that. Thanks for making the best scrambled eggs, checking to make sure I don't have a fever, and introducing me to Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley. Rocco is lucky to have you as a playmate.
Happy Father's Day to Kenny. "Step father" to Eric. Grandpa to Rocco. Father in law AND friend to me. Thank you for your sense of humor and lightheartedness. Something we need in our lives. We love you very much.
Happy Father's Day to the late Rocco Fortuna. I wonder if you would have liked me. I know you would have loved Rocco. We can't wait until we can tell him stories about the grandfather he was named after. Thank you for raising Eric to be a kind, loving man. He would have made you very proud.
Happy Father's Day to my brother in law, Tom. I have to acknowledge you because without you there would be no Susie. She is a sweet kid and freakishly smart. Keep up the good work.
The most important 'holiday' wish goes to my husband, Eric. Happy Father's Day to you! I knew you would be a good father but had no idea how good. It has been beautiful watching you care for and love our son. You changed your first diaper. Put clothes on a baby for the first time. And learned how to draw a perfect bath. Your hard work and dedication to this family is truly appreciated. Rocco is a happy boy. Thank you for making that possible. I couldn't do this without you. Enjoy that ugly recliner.
Happy Father's Day to all the men out there with children in their lives. You do not have to be a father to have made an impact on someones life. I hope everyone takes a moment to acknowledge the men who have shaped and set an example for them. Uncles, brothers, in laws, cousins, next door neighbors. Whoever they may be. Show some gratitude for them. Today and always.
Happy Father's Day to the late Rocco Fortuna. I wonder if you would have liked me. I know you would have loved Rocco. We can't wait until we can tell him stories about the grandfather he was named after. Thank you for raising Eric to be a kind, loving man. He would have made you very proud.
Happy Father's Day to my brother in law, Tom. I have to acknowledge you because without you there would be no Susie. She is a sweet kid and freakishly smart. Keep up the good work.
Happy Father's Day to all the men out there with children in their lives. You do not have to be a father to have made an impact on someones life. I hope everyone takes a moment to acknowledge the men who have shaped and set an example for them. Uncles, brothers, in laws, cousins, next door neighbors. Whoever they may be. Show some gratitude for them. Today and always.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
We made it...
This past week I returned to work.
Prior to taking my maternity leave I thought I would be ready to go back after a few weeks. I did not expect to want to stay home with Rocco. People told me I was going to struggle toward the end of my time off. But I did not believe them. I did not understand how much Rocco would change me emotionally. My job is important to me and my assumption was that I would be ready to jump back in. However, I started to have a melt down about a month ago. I realized I wanted my full time job to be motherhood. I no longer had interest in my paycheck. The time, money, and energy I invested in getting my masters was no longer important. I am a Mama now. This is my purpose.
The thought of spending time away from him made my chest hurt. Going to Barefoot Bunz for an hour at the gym causes severe separation anxiety. I start thinking of him halfway through any class a the gym. I don't want to miss anything. Not one coo. Not one smile. Not one seedy, mustard colored poop.
Returning to work was not a decision. I HAD to. Eric is self employed and I am the benefit carrier. Plus I have student loans to pay. Loans I took out took out so I could get the education needed to have a career. So, I took as much time as I could financially and started counting down the days.
The day I went back I broke all of my rules and ignored the routine I was desperately trying to master before my return to work. I let Rocco lay on my chest all day. He was allowed to nap there. Nurse himself to sleep. While we did all of this I whispered to him how much I love him. I told him how much Mama would miss him while she was gone. Crying on him the entire time.
When I handed him to Eric he asked why the baby was all wet.
I cried in the car on the 15 minute ride to the hospital. I swiped my badge through the time clock. I focused on my breathing on the elevator. Opened my office door. Dropped my purse on the floor. Attached my key to my hip. Made sure I had a pen. And I dove right in.
Halfway through my shift I realized that I enjoy what I do. I love counseling and case management. I enjoy working with alcoholics and drug addicts. I like my coworkers (although my Wolfpack is currently broken up) and have a great boss.
Going back to work wasn't that bad. Although the night seemed to drag on. I couldn't WAIT to get home and see Rocco even though I knew he would be in bed.
I walked in the door. Unhooked the key from my hip. Threw my bag on the floor. And sat down next to Eric to get a detailed minute by minute report about how many ounces he ate, when he had his diaper changed last, and how long he had been asleep. I was in the door about 5 minutes when I heard Rocco start to cry through the baby monitor. It was a little early for him to wake up. Maybe he knew I was finally home.
I'm exhausted. It is a challenge getting up in the morning after a night of choppy sleep. Rocco is the cutest in the morning, too. He smiles and coos. It is hard to say goodbye to him. And it is also difficult to come home, feed him, bathe him, and then put him to bed. Putting him to bed is alot of work!!!
All of the guilt, the sadness, the tears, separation anxiety....That is all about me. Rocco is fine. He is too small to know how long or how often I am gone. He gets to be with his dad when I am at work which I am tremendously grateful for. It was me I was worried about, not him. So I guess selfishness doesn't go out the window entirely when you have a baby.
Rocco and I are going to spend the next two days together. I'm so excited.
Prior to taking my maternity leave I thought I would be ready to go back after a few weeks. I did not expect to want to stay home with Rocco. People told me I was going to struggle toward the end of my time off. But I did not believe them. I did not understand how much Rocco would change me emotionally. My job is important to me and my assumption was that I would be ready to jump back in. However, I started to have a melt down about a month ago. I realized I wanted my full time job to be motherhood. I no longer had interest in my paycheck. The time, money, and energy I invested in getting my masters was no longer important. I am a Mama now. This is my purpose.
The thought of spending time away from him made my chest hurt. Going to Barefoot Bunz for an hour at the gym causes severe separation anxiety. I start thinking of him halfway through any class a the gym. I don't want to miss anything. Not one coo. Not one smile. Not one seedy, mustard colored poop.
Returning to work was not a decision. I HAD to. Eric is self employed and I am the benefit carrier. Plus I have student loans to pay. Loans I took out took out so I could get the education needed to have a career. So, I took as much time as I could financially and started counting down the days.
The day I went back I broke all of my rules and ignored the routine I was desperately trying to master before my return to work. I let Rocco lay on my chest all day. He was allowed to nap there. Nurse himself to sleep. While we did all of this I whispered to him how much I love him. I told him how much Mama would miss him while she was gone. Crying on him the entire time.
When I handed him to Eric he asked why the baby was all wet.
I cried in the car on the 15 minute ride to the hospital. I swiped my badge through the time clock. I focused on my breathing on the elevator. Opened my office door. Dropped my purse on the floor. Attached my key to my hip. Made sure I had a pen. And I dove right in.
Halfway through my shift I realized that I enjoy what I do. I love counseling and case management. I enjoy working with alcoholics and drug addicts. I like my coworkers (although my Wolfpack is currently broken up) and have a great boss.
Going back to work wasn't that bad. Although the night seemed to drag on. I couldn't WAIT to get home and see Rocco even though I knew he would be in bed.
I walked in the door. Unhooked the key from my hip. Threw my bag on the floor. And sat down next to Eric to get a detailed minute by minute report about how many ounces he ate, when he had his diaper changed last, and how long he had been asleep. I was in the door about 5 minutes when I heard Rocco start to cry through the baby monitor. It was a little early for him to wake up. Maybe he knew I was finally home.
I'm exhausted. It is a challenge getting up in the morning after a night of choppy sleep. Rocco is the cutest in the morning, too. He smiles and coos. It is hard to say goodbye to him. And it is also difficult to come home, feed him, bathe him, and then put him to bed. Putting him to bed is alot of work!!!
All of the guilt, the sadness, the tears, separation anxiety....That is all about me. Rocco is fine. He is too small to know how long or how often I am gone. He gets to be with his dad when I am at work which I am tremendously grateful for. It was me I was worried about, not him. So I guess selfishness doesn't go out the window entirely when you have a baby.
Rocco and I are going to spend the next two days together. I'm so excited.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Too Few To Mention
I'm trying very hard not to regret any of the decisions I make about raising Rocco. I do not want to set myself up to feel as though I have done something 'wrong' or that I am a bad mother. I'm a great mother. Yet there is that little voice inside my head that says I should be doing things like 'that' mother. Or how the 'book' says. Or how the OB suggested. Or the way the stranger at the grocery store did.
And what I have done is take a little from 'that' mother. The 'book'. And the bazillion other baby 'experts' out there. And I'm developing a system that works for me. More importantly one that works for Rocco. Oh, yeah. And Eric, too! (My poor husband. But that will have to be a separate blog entry.)
The best advice I have been given came from my friend, Anne. Twenty four hours after the birth of her first child, Anne told me to 'be flexible'. Nothing had gone as she had planned and it was out of her control. And for those of you who know me I'm a big fan of plans AND control.
I have been working hard on my 'flexibility'. I have had little choice in the matter. Because Anne was right. Nothing went according to plan. Not to mention that Rocco has his own agenda that takes priority over mine.
I begged for pain medication when I swore I would not.
I had a C section after 14 hours of labor. Another route I did not want to take.
I had these unrealistic notions of what I 'should' do. That there was some 'ideal' way to have a baby. That if I did not do things a certain way I would be a failure. And I felt guilty and judged as I was signing the consent for anesthesia. Like I was weak for 'throwing in the towel' and giving up on the pushing process.
Most of that guilt went away when they put him on the scale and I saw what he weighed. More of that guilt disappeared when Eric told me that the same midwife whom I thought was thinking less of me because of my request for surgery said to him that she thought the C section saved his 'wife's vagina'.
Yet still when people ask about my delivery and I tell them I had a C section it is almost as though I am telling them some shameful secret about myself. That I did not do it 'right'.
'Right' and 'wrong' leave no room for flexibility.
I do not want to second guess my decision not to 'co-sleep' with Rocco. Although 'they' say co-sleeping decreases the risk of SIDS. Most nights Rocco sleeps in his crib. On occasion I have let him sleep in our bed. That is 'flexible'. Right?
I do not want to beat myself up for giving my son formula in a bottle in addition to breastfeeding because the lactation consultant told me a baby's IQ increases by a trillion if they are exclusively breastfed for 6 months. What mother wouldn't exclusively breast feed? A mother who is throwing up and turning green while trying to nurse her enormous and starving son. That is who.
Don't even get me started on going back to work. There is no decision to be made there. I have no choice. But again, that is another blog entry!
I do not want to regret any of the decisions I have made or will make when it comes to raising Rocco to be a happy, healthy young man. He is happy and healthy now so I must be doing something right. If I have confidence in my decision no one can make me feel like I have done something 'wrong' or that I am a 'bad' mom. Because I will know otherwise.
So, I keep reminding myself to remain 'flexible'. And that is a challenge for me. But one I am willing to take on.
And what I have done is take a little from 'that' mother. The 'book'. And the bazillion other baby 'experts' out there. And I'm developing a system that works for me. More importantly one that works for Rocco. Oh, yeah. And Eric, too! (My poor husband. But that will have to be a separate blog entry.)
The best advice I have been given came from my friend, Anne. Twenty four hours after the birth of her first child, Anne told me to 'be flexible'. Nothing had gone as she had planned and it was out of her control. And for those of you who know me I'm a big fan of plans AND control.
I have been working hard on my 'flexibility'. I have had little choice in the matter. Because Anne was right. Nothing went according to plan. Not to mention that Rocco has his own agenda that takes priority over mine.
I begged for pain medication when I swore I would not.
I had a C section after 14 hours of labor. Another route I did not want to take.
I had these unrealistic notions of what I 'should' do. That there was some 'ideal' way to have a baby. That if I did not do things a certain way I would be a failure. And I felt guilty and judged as I was signing the consent for anesthesia. Like I was weak for 'throwing in the towel' and giving up on the pushing process.
Most of that guilt went away when they put him on the scale and I saw what he weighed. More of that guilt disappeared when Eric told me that the same midwife whom I thought was thinking less of me because of my request for surgery said to him that she thought the C section saved his 'wife's vagina'.
Yet still when people ask about my delivery and I tell them I had a C section it is almost as though I am telling them some shameful secret about myself. That I did not do it 'right'.
'Right' and 'wrong' leave no room for flexibility.
I do not want to second guess my decision not to 'co-sleep' with Rocco. Although 'they' say co-sleeping decreases the risk of SIDS. Most nights Rocco sleeps in his crib. On occasion I have let him sleep in our bed. That is 'flexible'. Right?
I do not want to beat myself up for giving my son formula in a bottle in addition to breastfeeding because the lactation consultant told me a baby's IQ increases by a trillion if they are exclusively breastfed for 6 months. What mother wouldn't exclusively breast feed? A mother who is throwing up and turning green while trying to nurse her enormous and starving son. That is who.
Don't even get me started on going back to work. There is no decision to be made there. I have no choice. But again, that is another blog entry!
I do not want to regret any of the decisions I have made or will make when it comes to raising Rocco to be a happy, healthy young man. He is happy and healthy now so I must be doing something right. If I have confidence in my decision no one can make me feel like I have done something 'wrong' or that I am a 'bad' mom. Because I will know otherwise.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
I don't like cannoli's
I don't like Cannolis. It is a good thing I didn't change my last name.
Eric did not seem too upset when I told him I would be keeping my maiden name when we got hitched. If he was upset he kept it to himself. I think the fact that I had "Fortuna" tattooed across my shoulder made him feel like I was truly committed to the relationship. People refer to him as my 'boyfriend' quite a bit because the assumption is that if we were married we would have the last name. I have had people call him Mr. Gilmore and almost every piece of mail I get from family (even MINE) and people who do not know us well is addressed 'Mr. and Mrs. Fortuna'. Half of the checks we were given for our wedding were written to Mr. and Mrs. Fortuna which made it difficult for us to cash without ID and a copy of our marriage license.
Keeping my last name was something I always wanted to do. It has nothing to do with the name 'Fortuna'. I was 34 when we got married. That is a long time to be called 'Kelli Rae Gilmore'. And historically a woman taking a mans name was a symbol of her being his 'property' after marriage. It seems like an archaic tradition and one simply practiced for that very reason. Everyone is doing it. "Gilmore" is part of who I am. And remaining a "Gilmore" allows me to remain connected to my family in some way.
Now enter baby.
Long before Eric and I got married we talked about having a baby. Specifically we were going to have a boy and we would name him Rocco. What else do you name a kid with the last name 'Fortuna'? I knew it was something Eric wanted to do to honor his late father. While Rocco would not have been MY first choice for a name, this baby is SUCH a Rocco!
I'm OK with having a different last name than the rest of my family. I just have to remind myself not to get annoyed with people who do not get our names right. It was my decision to not to conform. It was my decision not to hyphenate.
People assume the baby's last name is Gilmore until I correct them. People assume my last name is Fortuna until I correct them. And even when I correct them they still refer to me as 'Mrs. Fortuna'.
I'm preparing myself to handle the confusion when it is time for Rocco to go to school, sign up for little league, and apply to colleges. I just hope this kid likes cannoli's.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Big Boy
Today Rocco went to the pediatrician for his 2 month visit.
TWO months.
It has gone by so quickly. Although it seems like an eternity some nights trying to get him to sleep.
He weighs 12lbs. and 4oz.
He is 24.25 inches long.
He had three vaccines. One oral and two shots.
He handled them like a champ.
Now he is cranky. A bit sticky since it is so warm. That's okay. Mama is too.
TWO months.
It has gone by so quickly. Although it seems like an eternity some nights trying to get him to sleep.
He weighs 12lbs. and 4oz.
He is 24.25 inches long.
He had three vaccines. One oral and two shots.
He handled them like a champ.
Now he is cranky. A bit sticky since it is so warm. That's okay. Mama is too.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
...and Rocco is his Name-O
This blog is inspired by other new moms who are openly sharing the ups, down, joys, and sometimes agonies of first time motherhood. Documenting my time with Rocco seems like a good idea since the days pass quickly and he is a different baby from one moment to the next. And my perspective changes just as often because I am becoming a different mother (woman, wife, friend) from one moment to the next. I don't want to miss a thing. I don't want to forget a thing. And I think everyone else should be as interested in my amazing child as I am. Since he IS the best thing to happen in a long time, right?
I type this with baby on breast, covered in spit up. I'm exhausted. I smell like sour milk. My house looks like college boys live here (minus the beer cans and Playboys). My husband and I have not eaten at the same time in weeks. That being said, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm happy. I'm grateful. I'm willing to deal with all of the unpleasant aspects of parenthood. The bliss outnumbers the miseries by far.
I'm not sure what I will write about. Or how often I will have something to share. But I hope you will join me on this adventure.
I type this with baby on breast, covered in spit up. I'm exhausted. I smell like sour milk. My house looks like college boys live here (minus the beer cans and Playboys). My husband and I have not eaten at the same time in weeks. That being said, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm happy. I'm grateful. I'm willing to deal with all of the unpleasant aspects of parenthood. The bliss outnumbers the miseries by far.
I'm not sure what I will write about. Or how often I will have something to share. But I hope you will join me on this adventure.
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