CHEEEEEEESE!

Since Rocco was born we have been getting coupons in the mail for the portrait studio at Sears.
A friend of mine bought me a photo frame intended for baby pictures of all three of us.  Since the photos I chose for the frame of Eric and me were done professionally I thought it made sense that the photo of Rocco also be a professional shot.
So yesterday we made an appointment via the internet and headed to the mall.

Our appointment was for 3pm.  As we strolled through Old Navy Rocco smiled and giggled.  We put hats on him and took pictures with Eric's phone.  We thought we should head to the portrait studio while he was in such good spirits.

When we got there the lights were off and the woman working in the next department said the photographer would return at 3.  While we waited Rocco sang and jabbered away like neither of us had ever heard.  He had perma-grin.  We joked that he knew we were getting his photo done and that is why he was being so jovial.

At 3 o'clock the photographer came rushing into the studio.  This woman had the energy of the Tazmanian devil. She moved from computer to computer with lightening speed.  I think she may have been clocking in and checking her schedule for the afternoon.  I'm not sure.

We changed Rocco out of his spit up soaked onsie and put him in the outfit we picked for the photo.  The photographer invited us into the room where the photos were taken.  And that is when the fun began....
I'm not sure what Eric and I thought was going to take place in there.  I think I just assumed we would plop him on the floor and lean him up against a prop and she would take a photo or two.
Noooooo.......

We plopped him on the floor alright.  And then this woman started making all of this noise.  Clearly she was trying to get him to smile.  But it was extremely overwhelming.  She called his name, clapped, whistled, clicked her tongue, made tooting noises, kissing noises, giggled,  you name it.
Eric and I looked at each other in horror.  And all of Rocco's cooing came to a screeching halt.

He sat wide eyed and mouth open.  He stared at this stranger.

Eric and I tried every trick in OUR book.  Singing Elmo's song.  Fake laughing.  Calling him a stinky butt boy.  Playing John Lennon on Eric's phone.  All of the things that usually get a grin.  Nothing worked.  Our attempts could not be heard over the incredible noise this woman was making.

At one point my husband who has NO filter (which some one you know) told her she was scaring him.  In an attempt to smooth that over I told her that I'm sure older children respond to that.  She could have made a living doing voices for cartoons.  Her energy was amazing.  But to two adults with a relatively quiet life she was totally overwhelming.  And Rocco is was too young to think a stranger making noises is funny.

We were in this room for an HOUR!  I had no idea she would take that kind of time.  I seriously thought we would be in and out of there.  But we used several different backgrounds.  He was on his back, his belly, his side (which caused a meltdown), his butt.  I thought when he started crying we could call it quits and get the hell out of there.  But the photographer had us calm him down and put him back in front of the camera.

Our coupon was for 46 photos of 1 pose for $9.99.  I knew she was going to try and sell us other packages but I thought maybe the other packages would be nice and we would consider purchasing an additional photo or two.

The photographer spent about 10 minutes cropping and enhancing our photos.  Adding borders, changing them to sepia, and creating collages.  Another mother and her 6 month old sat waiting.  She told me she had been there a few days ago and they were back for more.

The photographer sat me down and showed me what she had done.  The photos were great.  She had enhanced them and made some really cute collages.  Then she pulled out her price book.  She explained what each package included and gave us the rundown on the 'specials' and 'discounts' that we were eligible for.  These packages were over three hundred dollars.  She did a lovely job and Rocco looked cute in them all but come on...  He is 3 months old.  And Eric and I are not the type to have 8x10 photos hanging all over our house.  All we wanted to do was get a picture to put in the frame my friend gave us.

Telling her no to each package she reviewed felt horrible.  It makes you feel like a bad parent to say 'no' to photos of your kid.  As though his image isn't worth $250.  To us it was worth $9.99.  Someone call CPS!
Not to mention the fact that we were only able to choose one photo to use this coupon.  And all of them were cute.  How do you choose one photo of the cutest baby in the world?

In the end we used the coupon.  We picked our favorite picture.  And for $20 per sheet we picked two other images we liked.  When all was said and done (a one year discount card and a donation to support our troops included) a $9.99 photo shoot turned into $60.57.

We left with a headache and a crying baby.  And we probably will go back.  We bought the stupid membership card.